Happy Fathers Day Dad,
It has been a little over a year since you’ve gone, and I still miss you every day. I was never very good at putting my feelings in words. This is ironic because I am writing now. I just finished the first draft of my first book. This one hurts a lot. I wish I could share it with you. I never realized how much of your self you put in your writing. If I could go back and read it when you were alive, with new eyes, I would have been better at telling you how proud I was.
Instead, I end up narrating it. I never remember you being one for audiobooks, but I think you would have LOVED the idea. I tried to do Sunshine and Meme justice. I could even picture you giving me acting tips during the process. Regardless, you would have been so very supportive of the process. When I work with authors now, I remember how “you” came through in your story and try to treat theirs with respect and honor.
The world is a strange chaotic place right now. There is a virus that shut everything down in most areas for months. You would have been miserable (not saying that Mom isn’t good company!) It would have been twice as bad if you were still in treatment. Your health being compromised would have made you even more susceptible!
Right now, there are protests everywhere. It feels different then protests in the past, perhaps it’s just the difference between my adult brain and my younger brain. Growing up in N.H. did not expose us to much diversity! I feel that a lot of people really do want to change. There is a lot of anger, hope, as well, I think.
Looking back, I appreciate how you and Mom tried your best to expose us to different people and communities. I remember one of our summer vacations. We drove through Harlem one day, Lancaster, PA, another, and D.C. the next. You were always a teacher, even if you thought you were being subtle.
I talk to Mom and Jamie on most days, mostly just a text or two. This is way better than my calls that ended up once or twice a month at best. Right now, that’s what I miss most. I wish I could pick up the phone and hear your thoughts on the world right now. I love you and miss you immensely.